Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
