we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
