Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
