I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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