I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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