I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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