Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
