So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
