I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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