woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
