We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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