Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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