we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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