Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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