whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
