My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
