i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
