I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize