I'm going to jail i love you
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
