I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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