The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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