No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
