At least make sure they are 18
Why
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
