So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
