i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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