yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
