I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
