He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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