i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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