Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
