I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
