you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
