I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
