I just cut my nipple shaving
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize