at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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