I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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