The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
