Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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