The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize