Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
