i think i have herpe
just one?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
