Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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