You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He shit in the fireplace
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
