You made me cry and you don't even care
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
