I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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