I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
