Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
