Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
