guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
home. puking in laundry basket.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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