Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
