i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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