I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
