i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
