please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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