Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
