your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
