maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i love accidental penises.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
