I skipped work to stalk him.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
