i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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