So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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