Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
someone owes me an orgasm
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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