so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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